I belong to a large community of Piano Teachers. Recently, one of them shared something that received a HUGE community response.
They said: "I'm so glad my parents wouldn't let me quit piano."
Yes, a PIANO TEACHER said: "I'm so glad my parents wouldn't let me quit piano."
And a bunch of other piano teachers quickly echoed: "Amen! Me, too!"
These people have built a career on music, yet they wanted to quit music lessons when they were young!
(I've included the original post and comments at the end of this blog post if you want to read them.)
Quitting is Easy
Why do people want to quit piano lessons?
Playing piano is a refined skill, and it takes work to develop that skill. Work isn't always fun or easy. It's usually challenging, and sometimes unpleasant.
When things get hard, human nature wants to quit. Don't want to deal with the challenge anymore? Just quit, and you won't have to!
But human nature isn't always right. Think about all the times when you chose NOT to quit. How did it work out? Did you learn something? Did you get anything positive out of it?
Most of us adults have quit something in life, and then later regretted quitting. This is an important life lesson. When you take on a challenge and push through it--even when you want to quit--the whole experience can provide you with immense satisfaction and fulfillment.
And you come out the other side with an incredible skill and some pretty priceless experience!
Children who want to quit piano lessons can't see this bigger picture yet. They haven't experienced what it feels like to reap the rewards after sticking it out. So how can they know that quitting is the right decision? Parental guidance and teacher mentorship are so important because we CAN see the bigger picture. We can help them understand the potential value of NOT quitting.
Sticking It Out
The main reason students quit piano is because they DON'T PRACTICE enough.
Practice is crucial in learning any skill. No one ever learned to cook without actually cooking. No one ever became a good driver without driving a car. If children want to become good pianists, they have to practice. Practice takes work.
But children usually don't understand this. They think people are just magically good at things, so they think they can be good at piano with very little practice ("work").
That's just not how it goes.
Do you struggle to get your child to practice? Does your child tell you they'd rather play video games than practice piano?
This is NORMAL! Even the most musically inclined children are like this sometimes. Some children are like this ALL the time. They're children! They think mostly in terms of "want" and "play". They will never want to "work" if they can do something else instead!
As a parent, you don't want your child to suffer. You don't want them to be miserable.
But take a step back and think about your child's victories and triumphs.
How does your child feel when they finally "get" it? And how do you feel when something they used cry over because it was "so hard" is now something they roll their eyes at because it's "so easy"?
Wasn't it worth the challenge? Don't you want them to be able to enjoy that feeling of accomplishment, and the confidence that goes with it?
Too many parents assume that if a child wants to learn to make music, they'll practice on their own. THIS IS NOT TRUE for most children. As with everything else in their lives, they need to be reminded, and they need to be encouraged. They need to be taught to "stick it out" when playing piano is tough -- because it will. If playing piano was easy, everyone would be doing it.
And on the other hand, once your child has practiced their music until it becomes easy, you'll probably be faced with a new struggle -- getting them to stop playing it!
Your Parental Influence
As a parent it is crucial that you help your child through every step of their journey. Your child's time with their music teacher constitutes a tiny portion of their week compared to their time with you.
If your child is in school for 6.5 hours every weekday and sleeps 9 hours every night, there are 8.5 available hours every weekday and 15 hours every Sat/Sun. This leaves just 72.5 hours a week for meals, travel, homework, hygiene, other extracurricular activities, chores, personal play, social, family time...and Piano.
The average young student is enrolled in one 30-minute piano lesson each week. This means your music teacher only gets to influence them for 0.69% of the 72.5 hours they have outside school and sleep! A good piano teacher can encourage and inspire and provide exciting educational music for them to learn, but that one-on-one time with the student is limited.
Teachers get less than 1% of the child's time each week. Parents have the remaining 99% of influence over their children's schedule.
You as a parent have a lifetime of experience. Your child has only 5-18 years of life experience. You have a greater perspective of what hard work means. You make them brush their teeth and do their homework because you want them to develop good hygiene habits and get a good education for their future. Will you do the same to encourage them to develop their skills as a pianist?
Music is Worth It
Why do so many parents let music fall by the wayside when studies show music is just as important for child development as other educational subjects?
I admit that some students may never develop a passion for music. You have to decide what's best for your child. That might mean letting them quit when they want to, or letting them take a few months' break from lessons. Or it might mean letting them struggle through it (and cheerfully listening to some rough practice sessions!).
Just don't let their limited life experience and perspectives convince you they know better. Even the most brilliant young person still needs parental guidance, and you have a better vision of their potential than they do.
Not every piano student will become a professional musician, but every student can be enriched by the experience of learning a musical instrument. Music has incredible power to bring people together, to brighten the mind, to deepen emotional understanding, and to strengthen individuals.
As a teacher I cannot tell you how many times I've heard adults say, "I wish my parents hadn't let me quit piano." Imagine hearing your own adult child say that!
If your child is asking to quit piano, I hope you will encourage them to stick it out. Today they may think you're the "meanest mom ever", but they'll probably thank you for it later.
Original Post from Nova C (Piano Teacher):
“Last night, while playing Crazy For You with [my city musical theater], something occurred to me. As I was listening to the beauty of one of my favorite composers, Gershwin, I thought about how lucky I am to be able to play in this group. And how, if I had had my way when I was 8-9 years old, I wouldn’t be playing this music right now.
“Because when I was that age, I wanted to quit piano. I hated the amount of work it took to be able to play well. I screamed and I cried and I called my mom all kinds of horrible names for making me do something so horrible as take piano lessons. If she had given in because she was tired of fighting with me, I wouldn’t be here right now.
“I wonder how many other people would be playing in all the places I play if THEIR parents hadn’t let them quit. I meet people every day who tell me they regret quitting piano. Their mom got tired of fighting with them. They wish she hadn’t. And yet the cycle continues with my students. It’s just sad.
“By playing piano I can make [pretty good money teaching, playing for church services/funerals, weddings, accompanying choirs, shows, and more.] I’m not rich and never will be, but it sure beats working in a cubicle or a store for minimum wage. And I wouldn’t have this honor and privilege if my mom hadn’t been so MEAN!!!!!!
“Sometimes things are hard. Sometimes they are frustrating. But anything worth doing IS hard and frustrating. That’s how you grow. I’m just so grateful I didn’t get my way.”
Responses from Other Piano Teachers:
Yep. My dad didn't let me quit. Definitely grateful!!
My parents didn't let me quit either. I'm so grateful because that's how I found my true passion for music, being made to continue to do it.
Preach it, Sista!!
Amen.
Thank you so much for sharing this!!
My parents said my sisters and I didn’t have to take piano but if we did, it was a 10 year commitment. What does a 5 yr old know about what 10 years feels like?? Lol! Glad I was naive and said yes.
Wish I could print this out and put on my studio wall!!
I’m SO thankful my mom was mean and made me practice!
Me too! Mine went so far as to have a conspiracy between my first teacher and my next teacher and my mom so that I wouldn’t quit. It was 4th grade. I didn’t know about that until I got to college! Oh, I hate to think what life would be like if they hadn’t come up with that idea to keep me playing!
I am glad I didn't get my way too. Wanted to stop too but now work as a pianist and piano teacher!
Letting a child quit because it’s getting hard is sending the wrong message. It should be good things come from hard work. No, you may not quit.
